I want to have your abortion
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
