Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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