It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
