I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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