I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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