piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
