You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
