she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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