I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
