we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
