He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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