Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think your dad took our porno
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
