u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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