If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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