the new term for farting is butt boxing.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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