I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
