i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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