Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
