I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
