ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
