im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
