Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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