the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
