If i come over, it means nothing
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
