I'm eating all of the evidence.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
