Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
