Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's shark week go big or go home
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
