Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Randomize
