i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
