So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just had sex on a roof
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
