Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
