OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i think i have herpe
just one?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
