So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
