Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
