At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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