Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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