I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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