apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
