You smell like stripper and shame
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
