you guys were way drunker than both of me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
