Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
