i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
as a side note pls kill me
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
