Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
