found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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