my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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