I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
