wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
