dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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