It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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