I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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