is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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