i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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