He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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