i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
